This is the Weight that I Carry

Photo Source: Blake Barlow via Unsplash.

Kat Kelly – For nearly seven years, I have been handling my mother’s affairs and belongings since her passing.

For my entire life, I have been handling the weight of partners and exes and the things that they couldn’t.

Last year, I moved out of the house where I lived alone, then met my spouse, and had our kids. And I left behind the things I had outgrown.

And my spouse left behind things that never got unpacked when we met.

And I placed the things in the piles that my ex left at the house we shared many years earlier, but she later abandoned.

And I moved my mom’s stuff out of storage into the garage of the old house.

And I moved old furniture from my partner.

And I’m scrambling around in my new house looking to make sure I get as much stuff out of my line of sight as possible.

The truth is, I am the clean-up crew. Sure, I accept it. But, for some reason, I put myself in a position to take care of the mental clutter or things that others cannot take care of. In my desire for orderliness and clarity, it is easy for others to lean on me to handle it. And while I do it with ease, it does weigh on me.

This is the weight I carry.

With every box I open from my mom, there are cases of tiny boxes and inside each tiny box is more stuff. Pens, paper, rubber bands, thread, needles, pennies, keys, figurines, plastic baggies, lids, and the list goes on. My mom was afraid of losing everything and for her that manifested into her holding onto everything that she could.

After my ex abandoned our old house, I tried to crowdsource the funds to give the house to a family in need. But, people called me a scammer. They didn’t believe me. So, I gave up. I kept renting that house out until I sold it to an investor after a property manager thought I was Daddy Warbucks.

Then my mom died and I also acquired her house. I had to replace all the systems, the flooring, the paint, and also had to do a smoke mitigation. So, I rented it out and the year after, we had record rainfall which flooded the basement repeatedly.

After almost losing my tail on those houses, I sold both of them to an investor with just enough to pay off the mortgages.

But, it’s time for me. It’s time to be a better me. I’ve been contemplating the actual weight of all of this and how that translates to the excess weight that I carry on my body.

What weight do you carry around and how does that manifest in your life? Are you struggling with addiction? Perhaps you can’t get out of your head around a little imposter syndrome? Maybe you are an avoider or an over-spender.

Whatever it is, you can tackle it. No matter how long it has taken you to get to this point or how many times you have to come back to it, you can do it. You can start again. Every moment is the start of the rest of your moments.

Together we can leave the weight of our past, no matter what form it manifests in, behind us. It’s time to Leave it in the Rearview. Join me on this journey.


Kat Kelly is the founder of Vexteo. And she also realizes that while sentences shouldn’t really start with ‘and,’ she’s done it a lot in this piece. And she’s totally ok with it. Leave it in the Rearview is her program and she’s excited to get rolling. For real.