Anna Leary — I saved the above image on my computer in April of 2017. I love the sentiment — “The only person who is going to give security and the life you want is you.” Know what’s funny? I was having a conversation with my partner this morning regarding my struggles with this very concept, almost three years after me seeing it, liking it, and saving it.
My partner came to this really illuminating conclusion reflecting on me: I’m looking for other people to fill my “I need security” desire and definitely my “I need to feel special” parts.
There is a lot of freedom in this realization: I’ve been looking to others to “complete” me when *I* need to complete me and others can complement my awesomeness. I’m totes humble, can’t you tell?
I have this habit, stemming from childhood, of staying on the surface of my emotions because I don’t expect anyone to do anything about them if we go any deeper. This means, as an adult, I have a hard time knowing what my feelings *are,* and then once I do, what to do with them.
Honestly, one of the hardest questions I often get: what do you want to do today? I’ve lived my whole life trying to make sure other people feel loved and cared for that I don’t even know what I want at any given time.
I’ve been in therapy for years now and not knowing my feelings and not feeling worthy of any good things is my main area of focus (buckets of fun, right?!). While my therapist has helped me greatly, I think I’ve outgrown her.. When I mention wanting to rise up into a different mental awareness, she’s very much, “You’re OK as you are.” Which is GREAT messaging! But I want more. I need to grow.
So here’s my idea to Hack My Brain into believing that I am my own security: Making A List!
- I am a super kind and empathetic person.
- I am passionate about equity and using my voice and privilege to amplify the voices of people who have less access than I.
- I have the ability to be a thought-leader and influencer of people.
- I am an effective communicator, especially when writing.
- I give and receive good love.
- I’m open to changing old thought patterns and beginning new habits.
- I am ridiculously optimistic.
- I am a good parent.
- I am a good partner and I strive to always be better.
- I am really good during emergencies and stressful times.
- I think differently than a lot of people and that’s a *good* thing.
- I know how to rest.
These phrases are now going to be my morning meditation. I’m putting it on my calendar to get back to you in a month to see where I am.
What kind of Hack It ideas do you have for your brain?
Anna Leary speaks to her dog and cats (and texts) in full sentences. Everyone deserves such consideration, no?